Foreword by the author.
The characters do not belong to me, this is a story of pure fantasy, based on my assumptions related to pregnancy Susan Downey and the strange occurrences that are rotating around it.
OSD: I do not know why, but if you want you can listen to reading XD
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wrbTYDZoxA&ob=av2n
Pov Jude Law
UK, 25.02.2012
London, in February, remains gray and sad, in tune with my clothes crumpled, ever since my heart.
He continues to call me.
Ewan is making tea in my kitchen.
We slept together: Japan was so orderly and pale, that the burst of red and ice in my stomach, so inappropriate, I thought so, as the rest of me, to ...
To...
"You're better than Jude?"
Ewan's voice is gentle, calm, caressing me.
I did too, desperately, in the bed where I loved so much Rob, to annihilate in the stupid idea of us together forever.
Ewan did not complain: he just close his chest, whispering to a - "It's okay ... Jude did not think of me ..."
He opened his legs, but I did not want so much, I should not.
I kissed him, yes.
I have given what was once something of ourselves.
Our really.
Ewan, I was never deceived, we simply would have been if only I had wanted, despite wives, partners, children, lovers and young men, who regularly went from his bedding.
"That woman told me the child ..." - and childbirth, for the umpteenth time, after writing a hundred sms, § bastard, you filthy bastard! §
"A week ago ..." - and I cry, I'm too stupid and useless.
"Jude listens ..."
"Do not defend him!"
"No ... I would only protect you from this pain, as much as did Robert, but in the least ... appropriate."
"He's ... he's American ..." - chuckle, as if it might make sense that my line.
A sense of us, that no longer exists.
I deleted from the soul, with the acid of that reaction, I checked I do not even know how ... it's like a waterfall, with nails and shrapnel, not an explosion, the kind that made us laugh even on the set Holmes.
I hate it.
"No, I hate Robert ... the film has brought me luck ... a sea of work ..."
"You're right Judsie."
My look has to be grim and ruthless.
Ewan sighs, pouring more tea.
"Thanks ..."
"I ... tonight I can stay Jude, if you want."
"I ... I want Robert ..."
Another drop down from the couch to the floor, my face off over there, as if I were a puppet, no one knows where to place ... or hide.
We're back to bed.
I let myself be fucked by Ewan.
At first he claimed it, but stuck to my back, him fingers intertwined with mine, him perfume good in my neck, him mouth seeking kisses, that I did not deny: as this body, which seems suspended in a time without a future.
Again morning.
Play.
They insist.
I rise and curse. Ewan is under the shower, turned on the radio, the mess in the living room, little suited to my habits.
Here are my children, not to make bad habits or misunderstanding on my good intentions found.
And 'Robert.
And 'there, on the landing, numb, always in the wrong dressing.
I opened and acid sneer: "You're not the only child at home, the mother has no time to check your wardrobe outrageous."
What the fuck am I saying ...?
Robert apologizes to me already with those two black pools, but I have a dry throat, a veil over the eyes, wearing a t-shirt, which then is Ewan, comfortable, but light, nothing.
I find myself again on the carpet, him tongue almost choking me, him hands that I almost crush him neck, him arms, collect me, him hips, I tear, as his erection, effortlessly.
I am ashamed, he will realize that I did ...
No, not the same.
I love him, baring sprawling, but with a fervor, which focus on me, without realizing that Ewan slips and disappears, smiling, but I see in a mirror, like him mischievous hello, but an accomplice.
It 's wrong, absurdly beautiful as wrong.
Crumbled, with tears, the last creek, the island sank into the ocean for months, ever since I heard about Susan.
Rob gasps from the coffee table and armchair.
I curl up like that puppy, who decided to come to the world, without my knowing it. In fact he waited, as much as I always did with him ...
"No ... I'm not even the father Jude ..."
"It makes no difference? You'll know, you have a son to raise, you want to disappoint him now? "
This speech, obnoxious, with which he hoped to sweeten the pill: a gift to his wife, it was time, albeit with artificial insemination, she materializes her desire for motherhood.
Lawful, clearly lawful, but to me unbearable.
We have broken down, Robert and I, no rock, to guard our love, just a pocket full of stones, forgotten in a coat worn by mutual recriminations.
"What is now ... Rob?"
"How could I leave you alone? With Ewan then ... "- says breathlessly.
I remain silent, but it is as if he was ready to undergo any humiliation, rather than lose it's obvious.
"... I needed to talk to someone ..."
"Jude does not owe me an explanation ... if anything I have to ..."
"A text message, ten second phone call, e-mail ... you got me feeling like a jerk, among those assholes ... ... they laughed at me."
Rob nods, embarrassed - "I know Jude. And I will do what I ask, to get your ... your forgiveness. "
"Have you brought Robert to doubt everything, even now, perhaps an attempt to avoid jeopardizing your business and those of your enterprising wife?" - Shout, but no voice.
"How can you say such a thing and ..." - "Ewan is better then!"
My tone is elevated and pit you brain, I know.
You advents on me, upset, shaking, you're about to explode.
They are trapped against the wall, but do not really want to run away, nor are there or I'm wrong?
And 'your crying, falling down like rain into the mine, which now goes to dry up, to exasperation, how to inject a jolt of high voltage.
We kiss.
And 'the best sex, that we consume from the beginning, our kisses, often unexpected, sweet, long term and all-encompassing.
Now I do not want to know anything ...
When during the dinner, I've talked about your project with Susan, I managed to say two words "Time's up."
For us, without appeal.
"Jude we could ..."
"What? Robert ... What? "- I was drained.
Months of hell, then I have broken down, I have even welcomed back, unable to stop loving you.
You were like a beaten dog and I stray.
What could still tell us? ...
Perhaps not even that the child was born here ... see ...
Maybe not you, then you feel for what?
Paradoxically, the innocence of him, the weapon became dark hurt our relationship to death.
This would have been in February or before, what changed?
I'm still kissing, do not want much.
Yesterday I wanted detestarti, in a futile exercise.
Maybe you ... do not miss anything, when I can not help but to look for Robert ...
I'll try to resist.
It will be sweeter than fall into this disease, you have defined "true love", when no one would stop.
"Come back to your son ..." - you're rocking and I'm robbing you.
"Only if you come with me Jude."
I yield.
Inexorably.
Yet ...
I'm so happy.
THE END
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